RAILBASTARD

Now say that six times quickly.

Hey somebody has to start with them... ?

Micheal Jackson... The king of pop....ing 10 year olds cherrys.


Have you heard about the new buger the Mc Jackson ? 50 year old meat inside 2 10 year old buns.


Micheal Jacksons last wish was the be turned into a packet of rice bubbles so he knows the feeling of coming out of a 10 year olds arse is again.

When the cremate M.J there gonna use the plastic on him to make into kids toys so he can get played with by 10 year olds for once.

What happened when Micheal Jackson and Dennis Ferguson got together.

He traded two, fives for a ten!

The media are now reporting that MJ's body has more needle holes than a pin cushion, really scrawny and virtually bald.

Fuuuuucckkk I thought he was ugly before I read all that, now I has this mental picture of something that doesn't belong outside of a horror movie.

ps: the two older kids aren't his either, Debbie Rowe was busy with the turkey baster.


Please excuse me while I go

Farrah Fawcett lines up at the pearly gates. St Peter is standing there, and says: "You will have a wish granted as you enter this holy place."

Farrah says, "I want the children of earth to be safe..." and in a puff of smoke, Michael Jackson appears and lines up at the pearly gates...

A recent internal issue reminded me of this joke with Graham Kennedy & (was it) Buster Fidess?

Dave & Mabel; I'm constipated Mabel

Why don't you go & see the Doctor, Dave?

Well, Mabel, the last time I was constipated & went to see the Doctor, he said," Dave, I'm going to goive you this suppository. I want you to go home & put it up your back passage."

So, Mabel, you'll remember that we lived in Glebe at the time & we didn't have a back passage so I put in on the back veranda.

And for all the good it did me, I might as well have shoved it up my arse!

That would not be from George and Joyce by any chance would it. Graham Kennedy played George and Rosie Sturgess played Joyce, there was a skit of them in every Melbourne Tonight show. The catch line in them all was "That's a joke Joyce"! Best part of the show actually!

You could well be right SA. I saw it, I can't remember how many years ago. I reckon I was a kid. I came very close to wetting myself. It's a classic & well worth clarifying. It was in Black & White & GK had that stupid false bald head.

Pity little survives or is re-shown of Gra-Gra at his peak. I'd seen the last of his stuff on Australia's Funniest Home Videos and re-runs of Blankety Blanks on cable 10 years ago, but my kids will sadly miss out on it.

Female Compassion

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been fucked?'
The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

THE HORTH WHITHPERER

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

Back when comics were wholesome...?

That's fucking GOLD, man

That Comic is Fucking Priceless!!
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Heres one.
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow (with a big towel) that was having difficulty breeding. This would cool her down and make her relax.

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel.

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said: 'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fukkin' towel!'

How to clean a toilet


This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up
And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2.. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom And run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

Not actually our own Dawg. The e-mail was complete with a photo of a bedraggled cat and a dog rolling on the floor in laughter. I can't copy the photos though.